In recent reports (though scattered) it seems that somewhere around 50% of all married couples will divorce, then somewhere around 75% of those people have children. Sadly, it’s the child that often feels the effects of your divorce the most.

The importance of keeping a positive relationship with your ex, no matter what kind of divorce you had, or how much of a pain it is, should be of utmost concern.

I can attest, it’s not an easy thing to do. I am a divorced, single mom of a 7-year-old girl. Learning to deal with being divorced is a hard thing to get through, and when you have a child it can be harder – here are some guidelines to make sure your divorce affects your child as little as possible -

Never use your child as a pawn in your “battle”. Remember, the best interests of your children have to be the first and foremost consideration, in BOTH of your minds. Whenever possible, keep your divorce proceedings “friendly” – remember you have children together and a bad relationship now will only lead to a bad relationship later when you're trying to work TOGETHER for the best interests of your child! If joint custody is awarded (or agreed upon), never talk unkindly about your ex husband (or ex wife) and don’t ask questions about what the “ex” is doing now that your not with them – putting your child in the middle will only cause them more pain than they are already facing – no one wants that.

You need to remember, your child is trying to figure out his or her new world as a child from a “broken” home, they are trying to understand what happened and often times they are blaming themselves for it all. You MUST reassure them that no matter what did happen it is in no way their fault, that you and your ex still love them, and that no matter what they're FIRST on your “list” of priorities – always!

Another thing that might be VERY hard is: don’t talk about your ex begrudgingly around family or friends especially when your children are around! If you MUST vent, do it while the kids are in school or with friends – then make sure you ask the person you did vent to to NOT to talk about this topic while your children are around! You want to be sure that the lines of communication are OPEN and that your children know that they can come to you with any questions they have – and you have to be prepared to answer them, and answer them honestly (or as honestly as you can). Note that you may see some “acting out” within your child especially during the first few months, this is normal behavior and is their way of “dealing” with the situation, in the best way they know how. Give them time, don’t push them, when they are ready they will come to you!

Remember, children will most likely seek out other children who are going (or have gone) though the same kinds of things as they are (have). This is healthy and should be encouraged! Kids have an easier time “dealing” when their “best friend” has gone though the same thing! They also tend to “believe” other kids in times when their parents seem to be “stressed” or when you are unable to talk to them about the situation (also normal). Don’t worry, eventually they will come around; once they realize that neither you nor your ex has “left them” and that you both still love them as much as you ever have!

In addition, remember to give yourself a break. Anyone going through a divorce is under probably the most stress they have ever been under in their whole lives! Adding guilt to the “mixture” will not help you or your children! So remember to take it one day at a time – rid yourself of undue pressure and focus on what IS most important during this time – the kids (and yourself)! This is a time of immense healing and discovery, embark on it with every thought of hope you can muster – it only gets better!

Posted By: Jenn with All Natural Mommies