Common Sense Courtesy on the Playground

by Lynn-Marie Tayler

"Did you just take that cup from that little girl?" my husband asked, gesturing toward an angel-faced toddler in the kiddie pool playing with a bunch of plastic cups and bowls.
"I sure did," I replied. "If her mother won't do the right thing, I will." The little girl in question had, for the second time, walked over to my two-year old son and grabbed the cup from his hands as he played. The first time, I let it go, hoping the mother would say something. When she didn't, and the girl returned a short while later to take the cup, which my son recovered when the girl abandoned it to swim elsewhere, I stepped in. To let it go again would be showing my son that it is all right to take things from people, an example I don't want to set. So I walked over to the tot, got down on her level and very gently took the cup back, saying loud enough for her mother to hear, "My son was playing with that. Please don't grab from his hands." The mother barely batted an eyelash and went back to chatting with her friend.

Unfortunately, incidents like this are all too common. At the playground and at public pools, children run free, behaving in whatever manner they choose, while their parents--either explicitly or implicitly--allow such discourtesy. If you happen to be one of these parents, let me clue you in on what the rest of us are thinking:

1. While we may think your child is cute, we do not think it's cute when they purposely splash us or our children in the face.
2. We are not at the playground/pool/park to babysit your children. Just because we are keeping a close eye on our own children does not relieve you of your duty to watch your own kids. Of course we will step in if we see a child in danger, but don't just assume that we are paying attention to what little Johnny is doing on the monkey bars while our Susie is on the swings, even though they may be situated next to each other.
3. If we bring snacks or toys to our outing, chances are we have brought enough to share. This does not, however, make it all right for your child to help themselves without asking, nor to fail to use appropriate manners.
4. If you bring snacks, please ask a parent before allowing children you do not know to have any. You might not know that my three-year old is allergic to peanut butter or that fruit snacks give my two-year old diarrhea, or that we are about to have lunch.
5. The equipment provided at public facilities--playground equipment, pool slides, etc.--if for everyone's use. Your three-year old may throw a tantrum if she has to give up the swing so someone else can have a turn, but your reluctance to deal with it is not a valid excuse for letting her be a swing hog. Sharing and turn-taking are good things for her to learn.
6. Slides are meant for sliding down, not climbing up. Every kid loves to go up the slide backwards, and if there is no one using the slide, it's up to you to decide whether they can. However, if there are children wanting to slide down, it is your responsibility to make sure Billy moves out of the way.
7. It is never ok to allow your child to boss around other children. It does not mean he is going to be a great leader someday; it means he is a bully.
8. Teach your children that babies are lovely to look at, but must never be touched without their parents' permission. And please don't let them stare at us while we're nursing; yes, it's a natural thing, but it's also a private thing.
9. Don't be angry if another parent corrects your child when she has done something that could hurt herself or her own children and you weren't paying attention. Say thank you and apologize.
10. Even the sweetest children lie--most often they don't know any better, and the guttural instinct for anybody afraid of being punished is to say what it takes to get out of the situation. So if it's your child's word against another adult's-give the adult the benefit of the doubt.
11. Put the cell phone away. It's hard to pay careful attention to your child when you're in the middle of a twenty-minute gabfest with your best friend. We also really don't care to hear about the mysterious bumps on your feet or your husband's lack of action in the bedroom.
12. If your child does something wrong, don't be passive aggressive about it. Don't roll your eyes and don't make snide comments ("I'm sorry that little girl won't let you stay on the swing, but we don't want her to cry so let her have it."). Apologize on behalf of your child and encourage them to do the same.
    

Set a good example for your children in your interactions with others. A little courtesy and respect goes a long way on the playground--and in life, too.

If you have any of your own ettiquette advice, please add it to the comments!

posted at 12:05 PM